7:2 the Hamlet within me

Typically with reading pieces of literature, I am not consciously aware of my a likeness to a character. Perhaps I can relate to characters subconsciously, which is why I like them, but with reading Hamlet, I have realized how I am like the title character. Like Hamlet, I too become paralyzed with thought. I am envious of others who are proactive and do things quickly. They take initiative. Often I know I should do things, as I need to, or they're good things to be done, but I just do t do them. The worst is when I say I will do something and flake. I always get down on myself, as I let myself down, I let others down, and no one else seems to have this problem. However, Hamlet proves that other people are like me, even hundreds of years ago. Some people aren't able to act as quickly, and overthink things. This isn't saying it's okay to not be proactive or flake when you sash you'll do something, but I know this problem isn't just with me. 

Though Hamlet isn't a great role model, he shows me, drastically, effects of overthinking and not acting. I want to do things and not be afraid, or at least have those few seconds of courage. Just getting things done, saying something, or reaching out, would be easier if I gathered that courage. 

I need to stop letting the Hamlet inside me show, and just get stuff done. Like Nike always says,

                                                                   Just do it. 

7:1 got it!

It is so nice to finally have what I've been hoping for. The Academy has surpassed standards I had for the school in all but a few areas. This year however, the missing pieces have been found. I have some of the best teachers I've ever had again, or for the first time, this year. And it is great. I'm learning in all of my classes. I have a sense of achievement and purpose. I'm dedicated to my studies once again. I had lost my willpower for school, but now it is back. There are still some quirks and kinks in the big picture, but I'm not dreading coming to school. 

I'm most excited about the changes my academy has undergone. Freshman year I came in with hope and passion for the medical field, only to be pushed over my limits, one way or another, thereby losing my interest in the medical field. I began to despise it I hated medicine. I hated amuthing to do with it- doctors, nurses, Western medicine practices, others' beliefs. Unreasonable, yes, but how it was. 

Now, however, I have a rekindled passion for the field. I don't do well with bones or gore, but that's not the point. I want to help people. Simple as that. I want to change people's lives for the better, and not just for good karma. My passion is for helping others. In my EMT course, I am being trained to do so. Even if I am not employed as an EMT in the future, the skills I'm learning now- from moving patients to even listening and remembering things better- will help me at some point or another. 

I am so thrilled to have a fantastic teacher for my EMT class that has helped me get reattached to the medical field instead of pushing me farther away. It wasn't a smooth transition, I admit to having a bit of an attitude, but I am overjoyed to be learning and gaining more skills now. 

6:2 wonder

If only the sense of wonder and amazement never left us. Children are so amused by the simplest of things, and want to believe in everything. You think of Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the good in others. As we age, our beliefs in these fantastic creatures and ourselves begin to diminish. So Santa as a man may not exist, but that is not the point. Santa is a representation of Christmas spirit. Believing in him brings children and families together. It brings hope and joy in an imperfect world. It is sad to me when older children and adults refuse to believe in "nonsense" such as Santa or magic. Though I realize Santa is not a big man with a long white beard and a red nose who brings me gifts, I still love to sit back and appreciate the wonder of the persona of Santa and all things associated with him. 

I love to be childlike, appreciating the little gifts of each day and the wonders of everything. Children don't have to try to do this- it's simply in their nature. They don't let preconceived ideas get in the way. They take each new object or experience on its own and pick it apart, examining every little part. So when adults or even older children take this amazement away from young ones, it breaks my heart. Children are meant to explore. They are naïve- innocent little beings- but that may be the best part. They don't pass judgment or hatred upon others. Disgust is the last sense to develop. They only dislike things or people that have hurt them before. If adults kept thus neutral state of mind- experiencing each thing on its own without preconceived ideas; eliminating judgment or hatred- the worked would be a better place. 

6:1 fall break

Though starting school a couple weeks earlier in August didn't seem like it would be worth it at first, I couldn't be happier with the new school schedule now. This fall break is perfectly timed, and I think everyone will benefit. This-coming week, I'll get a chance to get away bad focus on school work and getting organized. Even though I'll be camping part of the week, and at Tahoe for the rest, I'll still have ample time to get caught up on homework, work on other school projects, and get everything organized. I'm also going to apply for more scholarships and to UNR. I will also dedicate some time to continue working on my service project for my Capstone. I want to get caught up with everything this break, and start getting ahead instead of simply getting by day-to-day. With 3 AP tests and an EMT certification process ahead, I need to get on board with everything going on. I'm very excited for this break because I know I'll be able to relax, but still have time and ability to set myself up for success for the rest of this year. 

5:2 the kind of woman I want to be

Oh, how I dream of a life, quite like my cousin, Brittany's. To pull off any look, pull off long hair, and look great in any picture. To marry happily and have a beautiful family. To have everything put together and be so classy. To model with ease and do anything I want. To be so confident that you'd be able to see it. 

Perhaps I'm wanting to grow up too fast. I should be young while I can, and a little immature. But I can't seem to find the good in that. I just want everything to fall in place now, to not have any worries about the present, and be confident in my future. 

I want to know that it will all be okay. I want what I have now to transition gracefully into my adult life. Everyone says I'm still a kid, but in a few months, I'm legally an adult. It's time to take responsibility for myself and be able to provide for the life I want to live. I feel like I'm being pulled between people who say to stay young and childlike and that I'm growing up too fast, and the reality of my own destiny and that I have the power to do whatever I wish. 

I love learning, but what if I don't want to go to college? There are so many people who live very successful lives, and did not attend, or did not graduate from college. Do I have the potential to do so as well? What makes someone good for a job? Does a degree automatically make someone better than someone else who has a great amount of experience? No matter which path I choose, I'm going to start at the bottom and have to work hard to get to the top. I don't know what my dream job is- I just want to help people. I realize there is a myriad of great information and skills I could gain from attending college, but am I really missing out if I don't go? Yes, a degree would provide me with something to fall back on in case things don't work put, but how valuable are degrees currently anyway? 

I'm not sure where I want to go, or how I'm going to get there, but I know the kind of woman I want to be. Successful, put together, classy, and happy. 

5:1 motifs

There seems to be a reoccurring theme in Hamlet, where characters spy on each other, either by themselves, or they hire someone else to do so. This motif occurs three times between Act I, Scene I, and a few pages into Scene II. The first instance occurs when Polonius hires Reynaldo to spy on Laertes. Polonius tells him to watch Laertes and tell people he knows him. Polonius also gives him permission to lie about Laertes (but not dishonor him), in order to find out more about his son. 

The king hires Rosencrantz and Guilderstern to spy on Hamlet. The king wishes to find out what's going on with Hamlet, as he has been acting strange lately. I'm worried about these two, as they are "Timon and Pumba"..I don't want them to die! But they will. 

Polonius, being the great father he is, is planning on giving his daughter to Hamlet, then spying on the two, to see what they do. The king also thinks this is a good idea. Polonius has assured the king that he is not lying about the young ones' love affair, so let him be beheaded..I have a feeling this will come back later. 

Three accounts of espionage so far. A very interesting motif. When will we see it next?

4:2 hamlet

Like Mr. Burge always tells us, Hamlet is a very enigmatic character. Though not all of his lines have multiple meanings, Hamlet's first four lines reflect his ambiguosity. These lines are found in Act I, Scene II, relaying a conversation between Hamlet and the king and queen. 

"A little more than kin, and less than kind." 

This seems simple enough on the surface, but upon deeper analysis this line has many different meanings. On a basic level, Hamlet implies that he doesn't like the new king.  This also means Claudius now has a closer relationship to Hamlet and is not very nice. Another component is that Claudius is now more "kin" than Hamlet can handle, as Claudius is now "uncle dad". 

"Not so, my lord; I am too much i' the sun." 

There is ambiguosity with the word "sun," as the sun sheds light, and it sounds like "son," which Hamlet is now the son of Claudius. When one is on the sun, they might be described as enlightened, which Hamlet could describe Hamlet. He knows what is going on between his mother and Claudius, which is hurting him (too much in the sun). Hamlet is also implying that he is getting too much attention, when he would rather be alone. Likewise, he wishes to mourn his father and be "gloomy" than bright, cheery, and celebrating. 

"At, madam, it is common." 

Hamlet is agreeing that mourning the loss of a loved one is common, but also implying that his mother is on the same level as commoners, and lowly. 

"Seems, madam? Nay, it is. I know not 'seems'." 

Hamlet has a bit of sass in replying to his mother, calling her out for not mourning her late husband. Hamlet says he is not pretending to be sad, but actually is grieving his father's death.