8:1 who I am

"Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?"

I came across this quote today and it halted me in my tracks. Who am I deep down? If I had no fear or social norms to follow, where would I be? What would I be doing? 

Lately I've become more aware of where I am and where I want to be- who I want to be. Different things are becoming more important to me. My priorities are changing. I'm growing up. 

Soon I'll be on my own, not totally, but enough that I need to take majority of my life as my own responsibility. I will still have support, but the rest is on me. 

I've realized that I have not been a woman of action. I let fear consume me and prevent me from doing things. Disappointing others, looking foolish, and not knowing what will happen. All things that have come across my mind and stopped me from carrying out a plan. 

So now I think, how much would I have accomplished if I had just done what I wanted and not cared what others thought? How many more people would I have helped or great things achieved? How many more friends would I have made or relationships would have been created?

All I can do now is look ahead, as one cannot go back and change things that have been. Just do it. And that's exactly what I need to do. I know I have potential; I am capable of so much. I want to help others. I want to be an influence of change, hope, and passion. I need to let go of the social expectations weighing me down and start flying in my own direction. 

Naturally, I have always been a perfectionist. By this, I mean that even when learning to walk, I wouldn't try until I did it perfectly. My mom was worried because I wasn't walking, but then one day, I was up and moving. I had practiced alone until I had it down. Ever since, I have been a perfectionist. I like to do things my own way, and I am also my own worst enemy. Very very rarely am I not aware of something I have done wrong. I have highly developed intrapersonal skills, while my interpersonal skills need some work. I become nervous and afraid having a simple conversation with someone. I don't know what to expect and become self conscious. Being afraid of communicating with people has been one of the biggest factors of not being active. I have great plans, but needing to communicate with others has sleazy so stopped me. 

Now I am gaining interpersonal skills and have become much more outgoing compared to how I used to be, but I have not carried out any plans yet. My Capstone Project has not been progressing as well as it should be, as I am at the point where I need to start contacting organizations and talking to people. However, I want to have my project become a success, so I will get over my fear of conversations and know I am human, as is everyone else, and everyone makes mistakes. 

Here's to tomorrow- a day full of new experiences, new opportunities, and renewed strength. Let my passions and my inner-self show, and not care what society thinks. I am the writer of my own story, not one chapter in the book of societal norms. Carpe diem; seize the day; just do it.